Alright, alright. The puns are truly terrible, but Crone just couldn't resist. And there are worse things - so to business. This Wednesday June 8thh was World’s Ocean Day, honouring our seas and all who swim and sail them. Co-ordinated by the World Ocean Network and recognised by the UN, this annual celebration encourages us not only to enjoy marine bounties, but encourages us to consider what we can do to respect and protect our seas.
To this end, Crone shimmied down to shingly Whitstable with thalassotherapy (marine beauty) experts Thalgo, whose detoxifying, anti-ageing treatments based on mineral-rich Brittany algae she’s long admired. The mission was a spot of intensive beach cleaning, so rubber gloves snapped purposefully on and brandishing telescopic pincers, under the watchful eye of Helen Bennington, Environmental Promotions Officer at Canterbury Council an intrepid team of beauty colleagues braved salty gusts and jibes of ‘Where’s yer tags?” (Helen’s more usual task forcers are young offenders on community service) and filled a minor mountain of bags with assorted crap. We then paid due honour to a deliciously slurpy, juicy lunch at the world-famous Whitstable Oyster Fishery Company’s beachside restaurant.
Job well done? Hmmm. Here’s the thing, Why, oh why did we need to scurry around picking up after people too cynical, selfish or stupid to take responsibility for their own detritus? Are they blind? Did they miss the strategically placed bins? Oh, don’t get me started.
Much to Mr Crone’s dismay, rubbish dumping is becoming something of an obsession with Crone. But her mounting fury is proportionate to the rise in routine tipping Crone sees just walking down her own North London street. But what’s really harrowing is the casual desecration of wild and beautiful places by those who evidently enjoy them, then make damned sure no-one else - and that includes vulnerable wildlife - can. It’s as if, diminished by the grandeur and spirituality of nature, your average tip-head is compelled to assert themselves by making a mark with their crass calling card. Or am I over-intellectualising this? Sadly, I suspect the real reason is, they literally don’t give a toss. Call Crone a litter fascist, but zero tolerance is too cushy for ‘em. People who dump trash are trash, I say.
Top of Crone’s hit list is dog walkers who feel they’ve done their bit by scooping a poop….then parking it, black bag and all, under the nearest tree. What a spectacularly mindless act of double-dumping. Oh, a parcel! For me? Someone has to pick it up, don't they... Last summer as Crone wandered peacefully though Derbyshire’s verdant Dovedale (well, it was a weekday) she was horrified to see what looked like mutant Gothic bunnies dangling from riverside branches as if sinister votive offerings to the National Trust. Well, we found some of that at Whistable too, in spite of the clearly visible pooper bins…
Apoplectic? Moi? Moaning Crone had better go dowse her BP in a soothing Thalgo algae soak before Mr Crone speed dials the paramedics. But she’ll leave you with a couple of final thoughts. An inscription on the wall of the Marine Display in the basement of the magnificent palm house at Kew Gardens brings it home how precious and delicate the interaction between marine, land - and human life really is. ‘Without algae there would be no life on earth, the seas would be sterile and the land uncolonised,’ it advises. After all, algae provide 50% of the earth’s oxygen and absorb copious amounts of carbon dioxide in a spectacularly generous gesture of give and take. World Ocean day reminds us that, unless we all want to be in the soup, it’s up to us to practise a bit of the old quid pro quo ourselves. Responsibility begins at home and cleaning up after ourselves - whether on streets, woods or beaches - is an excellent way to start.
Sea view? Shame wrappers, tissues, tins and plastic bottles are now the benchmark
The Yellow horned sea poppy (glaucium flavum) brightens shingly British shorelines. Pity ice cream tubs and plastic beer cups do too….
Who you calling rubbish? The beach-cleaning team lead by Helen Bennington (check shirt) hard at it
Marion Green, Thalgo’s UK MD with unidentified plumbing objet trouvé
Bin there, done it. So why can't dumpers do the same?
Just so you know we scrub up well - Thalgo’s detoxifying Bains Marins Thalassobath with Algae and stimulating Ocean Memory Deep Sea Scrub
Sea you in the bar - the world-famous Whitstable Oyster Fishery Company HQ
Slipped down a treat - six of Whitstable’s finest native rock oysters on ice
• Thalgo is available in over 500 UK salons and spas. For stockists contact 0207 512 0872 or visit www.Thalgo.com
• The Whitstable Oyster Fishery Company, Royal Native Stores, Horsebridge Road, Whitstable, CT5 1BU. 01227 276 856 www.whitstableoystercompany.com
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